What No One Tells You About Parenting Twins: Learning to Tune Into My Own Capacity as a Mom
I don’t think I ever truly understood what “capacity” meant until I became a mom.
It’s a word I probably overuse now, but it captures something so real: the invisible line between holding it together and completely unraveling. The phrase “I don’t have the capacity for that” has never rung more true than in this season of motherhood.
The mental load of parenting is constant—and with twins, it doubles. My brain just doesn’t work the same way it used to. Sometimes I’m juggling so much, I can’t even think straight. Just the other day, between meetings, I stood in front of the fridge trying to figure out what else to serve my boys for lunch. I literally couldn’t piece a single thought together. Thankfully, our nanny knows us well and was able to jump in.
That moment wasn’t about the fridge. It was about capacity.
Because of this very real limit, I’ve had to make tough decisions about work. Working full-time in a clinic as a pelvic health physical therapist stretched me to my absolute edge. While I love what I do and care deeply about the people I serve, the day-to-day was mentally exhausting.
Before returning to in-person care, I was in a non-clinical telehealth role—one that felt aligned and manageable in this new chapter of parenting twins. But I was laid off in fall of 2024, and with the remote job market being so competitive, I found myself back in the clinic out of necessity, not choice.
I knew from the beginning that in-person work would be a challenge, and I was right. I burned out quickly. My request to cut back hours didn’t pan out, and I found myself drained, depleted, and disconnected from my family. I wasn’t showing up the way I wanted to—for my boys, for my husband, or for myself.
And so, I made a shift. That shift brought me here, to this space I’m sharing with you.
We’re so conditioned to push through. To grind. To ignore what our minds and bodies are telling us. But I can’t help but believe that life isn’t meant to be lived with our tanks on empty every single day.
So, here’s what I’ve learned about tuning into my own capacity as a mom—especially as a mom of twins:
I need time to myself. Not a luxury—a necessity. If I don’t carve out space to breathe, rest, or even just be quiet, I don’t show up well.
I need work that fills me up and doesn’t empty my tank. Both things can be true. I’ve felt it before, and I’m working toward it again.
Screen time isn’t the enemy. It’s a tool. If a show helps me get dinner on the table while keeping everyone regulated, I’m choosing grace over guilt.
I practice what I preach. When we’re all dysregulated (and let’s be real, it happens a lot), I come back to breath. Diaphragmatic breathing is one of the most effective tools I use—to calm my nervous system and model calm for my kids.
I’m learning to speak up, even when it doesn’t benefit me in the short term. And that’s okay. Honoring my voice matters.
Capacity looks different every day. Some days I have more of it, some days I don’t. But the more I listen to my own limits—and respect them—the better I am at showing up with presence, patience, and love.